I've been struggling with discouragement in several areas lately. We're in that waiting period with applications are in, deadlines are past, and there is silence. The silence could mean they are processing and I'll be hearing something or it could mean I will be hearing nothing because I'm on the "not who we are looking for" pile. I've also been discouraged by some of the things going on at school, and some particular things with certain students. And then there is always the personal front. Why is it that those old insecurities I had growing up never really went away?
This morning I was feeling particularly rocky and not looking forward to facing middle schoolers or even my colleagues. I thought about texting my friend Cathy, asking for her to pray and maybe send me a verse of encouragement as she so often used to do. But she doesn't have texting on her phone, money is tight, and we texted a couple of times last week. I didn't have time to call her, so I just prayed, "Lord, I need shoring up this morning!" and trusted that he would let the appropriate person know who needed to pray for me or encourage me.
I went through my day, some moments were lighter, and I did enjoy my 7th graders. After all, when I'm reading to them (our current read aloud is Cynthia Lord's TouchBlue- due out from Scholastic in August- AWESOME book! I highly recommend it!) and the end of the chapter is greeted with cries of, "NOOO! Please don't stop! Keep going!!!!" how can I not be happy? I'm all too happy to comply!
After staff meeting I went over to the Chapel side of the building to see John. On my way back I stopped by the receptionist's office to say hi to Sue and find out if their house had sold yet. They've been trying since November to sell their house so they can move to their new retirement home in Florida. We got to talking about our similar experiences with being in that waiting period. And boy, did Sue encourage me! She spoke directly to some of those very self-doubts that I had been wrestling with all day and gave me the shoring up I had so desperately felt the need for this morning.
When we got home, I logged onto my email and there was a message from the school that I'd applied to for a job teaching summer school- asking to set up a phone call to discuss the job!
I still don't know about the job's in Maine that I've applied for and I have another application that I need to fill out and get in, but I'm feeling much more encouraged about things right now. My confidence in my teaching ability, my hope for extra income that will allow us to take our annual Cape Cod vacation, the foundation is a little less shaky tonight.